Time. The last week has left me with a problem. I’m having a difficult time with the concept of time. I’m scared about how quickly it’s going and how it speeds up as I age. There are so many moments where I want to freeze everything and take it all in. Why isn’t that possible? So many moments where I actually feel my breath get taken away.
I figured last summer (2011) was the best summer of my life. I thought that surely life was about to take a terrible turn for the worse. That Angelman Syndrome would get the best of me and ruin my happiness, my family’s happiness. We had some bumps along the way, but essentially, the school year of 2011 – 2012 was pretty amazing. Even during our 5 months of crappy sleep, Kate’s constant fevers and seizures, it was all still pretty amazing. After all, we do have the most fantastic park around. And I truly believe it has accelerated Kate’s development. But once again, at the end of this summer (2012), I’m faced with the same feelings that things are about to get bad. Yet this time, I have a little hope that maybe, just maybe, life might continue to be as wonderful as it is right now. If we could only be so lucky!
Last night, I had a bit of a panic attack. Kate is now 3 years old and Jamie is 5. Time is sleeping through my fingers faster than quick sand. Kate is starting the preschool program (2 mornings a week) at a community preschool. I remember Jamie’s first day of preschool so clearly…TWO YEARS AGO! Upon this thought, I was stricken with huge emotional pain. Next year, Kate will enter JK. She will be at her neighbourhood school because that’s where she belongs, but I’m so, so scared about it. I don’t want her to be left alone. I don’t want her to be friendless. I don’t want her to feel anxious. One of her greatest strengths is her set of social skills. I realize these are all feelings any parent feels about their child, but it’s a bit different with Kate. I just want her to feel loved and valued. Today, as if perfectly on cue, I was reminded that sometimes, parental fears are founded on that alone…fear. Here’s what happened:
Kate has a new Weehoo I Go trail-a-bike. We got her one after Jamie loved riding on the Trail-a-bike a friend graciously sold to us. We were out for an evening bike ride and saw the neighbourhood girls on our way back home. We stopped our bikes to chat and then returned home to bathe the kids. I got Kate out of her Weehoo and she did her classic nose-dive towards the ground, signalling that she wanted to walk. I took her hands and she walked me down our long driveway and along the sidewalk to the end of our street where the girls were. The dad saw Kate coming and pointed her out. All of the girls scrambled to get to Kate. They bike, triked and scooted to Kate. One gave her multiple hugs; another walked beside her. Kate showed me that she just wanted to be one of the gang and they embraced her. All on their own. No adult intervention. I have a permanent mental picture in my head of the girls coming toward Kate. It was beautiful. And Kate just kept walking with them. It was the best walking I’ve ever seen/felt her do. She was motivated by these girls. These young ladies showed me that it will be OK. She can do this. She will go to school and she’ll love it. The kids will have her back. Thank you to my neighbourhood friends for showing me this. Tonight will forever be imprinted as a fantastic memory. Thank you for reminding me to never give up and to believe…to believe in my child…because she has what it takes!
On that note, I leave you with a great message from a blog I’ve recently started to follow: Momastery. And of course, a quick statement from one of my fav’s Kelle Hampton.
"I want my child to be accepted because she is a human being who deserves to be loved and respected." ~Kelle Hampton
Kelly is Kate's devoted, caring, Type-A crazy mom. Kelly is a high school physics teacher who earned her masters degree in neuroscience from McMaster University in 2003.